just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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