I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize