This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize