The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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