I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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