so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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