The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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