dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
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I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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