I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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