now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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