I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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