did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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