I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
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It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
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I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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