I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize