Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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