just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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