super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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