Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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