so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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