a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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