the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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