If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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