I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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