he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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