During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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