Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize