girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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