Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The feeling are messing with the penis
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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