Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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