i need an iv and a liver transplant
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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