You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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