therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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