I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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