My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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