I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize