I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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