how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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