Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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