So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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