if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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