My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize