Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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