what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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