So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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