he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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