My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize