I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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