I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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