Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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