before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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